Things to Say to Get Out of Jury Duty Summons:

• I can tell if people are guilty by looking at them.
• If a police officer told me I was a bug, I would believe him.
• Is it murder if I haven’t been caught?
• My religion prohibits me from sitting near other people.
• Would I have to bathe?
• Can each of my personalities vote in deliberations?
• Laws are for sissies.
• I’m allergic to justice.
• I’m deaf. (Answer questions thereafter by cupping hand and shouting “What?”)
• A pit bull named [defendant's first name] just killed my baby.
• I get dizzy if I try to weigh evidence.
• An eye for an eye? I say we take his head for an eye! (Point at defendant).

Well, I wouldn’t use all of them, but there are a few.